Now many of you (yes there’s more than one reader) might think that it’s unfair to make such a list because it reflects my own limited experience and biased opinion. I can assure you that I didn’t have any experience whatsoever with most of the described jobs. The ranking is based on the most objective criteria known to man: my opinion.
5. Library helper – this job puts the old adage “no work is beneath me” to its ultimate test.
To be a library helper is to be a garbage collector in an academic environment with the added benefit of people watching you. Everywhere you look – a sea of empty sandwich and crisps wrappers, half-eaten apples, coffee cups, red bull cans and students with imminent deadlines. Moreover, when you thought dealing with textbooks for exams couldn't get more boring – guess what, shovelling their mangled remains onto trolleys is not exhilarating either. I believe it was the uber-philosopher Thomas Hobbes who perfectly summed up the work of a library helper: “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short”. But by all means the t-shirt they give is nice… they take it back after you finish.
4. Participating in team-based competitions – it may not be very interesting but this type of work has one big advantage over others: it doesn’t require any work. Few students are aware of the overwhelming number of student competitions – strapped for cash companies use these challenges as an R&D substitute. And even fewer students enter these challenges. Following the law of large numbers we get that fewer competitors equals bumbling idiots sometimes taking the gold. There’s another equation you should be aware of: Assets (your team-mates collective skills) minus Liabilities (your gross incompetence) equals the Capital of the team (it should be positive if you want to bring home the bacon). In worst case you end up runner up and get some free food. This brings us to the next job on our list.
3. Looking for free food – your house mates’ section in the fridge is a good start but if you really want some change in diet then I’m afraid you need to get out of the house. Right off the bat there a few alternatives available: employer presentations, religious unions and ethnic societies. They all want to lure you in with nice (and delicious) things, brainwash you and then make you return with a contribution: it’s basically a brief lesson in democracy. The trap of the “free lunch” can be avoided but it requires the timing skills of an atomic clock. You need to learn precisely when the boring part is over: come too early and fall asleep, come too late and be left with table scraps. The first couple of times you might get burned but after that it would be a never-ending party (possible side effects may include diabetes). The tacit knowledge and skills acquired for this job will be most useful to 90% of students who will go on a distinguished career of being unemployed graduates.
2. Honest, well-paid and engaging job which doesn’t insult the intellect – good luck finding one…
1. Selling your lecture notes to the-notebook.co.uk – with national growth doing the moonwalk and unemployment lines mistaken for Holiday parades why not make education work for you now. You might even learn something. Most of us have experienced the “awkward moment when®” we find a module that we actually enjoy and are eager to go to its lectures. It’s usually once in a lifetime moment or it may never happen. But if you come across one such module then do take notes – (on paper or in a word document) and upload them to the-notebook.co.uk. Every time some ailing student downloads your precious notes you get a hefty commission. There’s no downside and the upside is virtually unlimited. So charge your pencils and sharpen your MacBooks and discover the unadulterated joy of sharing… for money.
